Thursday, April 2, 2009

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But You Cant Make Him Laef


My response is simple my friends. Laef comparing me to Ben Lyons is one of the best compliments I could ever get, it means I have made it to the big time in terms of being a critic. Now Laef on the other hand thinks that he has wounded the old bear by comparing me to this brilliant man. But folks in reality Laef is a jealous and extremely bitter man who only dreams of the life Ben Lyons has and because he realizes he will never get there he bitterly talks shit about him instead of giving the man props. I mean the guy is E's number one go to film critic for gods sake. This isn't saying much but Laef he's been with more chicks last night than you have this past year, and he's a closer. You think Ben Lyons goes out and settles for make outs? Look at that scarf this dude is banging chicks and sending them packing after they do his laundry and dishes the next morning. 

Let me just take a second to thank you Laef for putting a smile upon my face and giving me not only a raging semi, but complimenting my work as a critic. Now I know I have what it takes to make the leap onto that pedestal with men like Siskel (RIP) and Ebert, Ropert, and Lyons. Wow you are extremely nice today Laef, that means he got to touch a boob last night, how did it feel by the way? Like a bag of sand I'm sure. 

I Love You, Always, and Never, 

College Panda

P.S. That's me and Seagal watching Ben Lyons segment on E, I was really tired that day
He Was Dead.....But He Got Better!

As you can probably tell from my posts(even though I've only had a couple), I am an action movie junkie. I love good movies from all the different genres but there is something about a cheesy unrealistic action movie that amps me up. Just how I was raised I guess. This post has two purposes. 1) A reminder that Crank 2 High Voltage comes out April 17. I know that the spring movie line up is exceptional this year and i will make every attempt to see a majority of those movies on Laefs list of "most anticipated movies of the spring". But I will be there for this one because I absolutely love when Jason Statham kicks ass and talks with an english accent. And 2) If you get a chance, please check out the website for the movie....http://www.crank2.com/....It is one of the best sites for a movie I've ever been to. To get into the site you actually have to type in a cuss word! How freaking awesome is that. I like to think that the Stath designed the site and it was his idea. No doubt about it, the plot for this movie, like its predecessor, is utterly ridiculous, but i gaurantee that there are some bad ass fight scenes and car chases and that alone is worth a look for me. And as I mentioned previously, the Stath getting electrocuted and screaming is all the incentive I need to be sitting in the theater come April 17. Also, for those of you who don't know, Crank is the slang word for crystal meth. And just a little throwback to Laef and College Panda...Remember when i made you guys go see the first one in theaters? HAHA....If my memory serves me correctly, and it usually does, it was a sold out show





-Ole Painless

Dear College Panda

Really I am bored in between classes right now and I Figured I have not busted on Panda in quite a bit (gross?). But hey Panda is there a trailer you have seen in three years that doesn't get a WOOO or WOW. I mean really dude how easily entertained are you? You just called The Hangover a garunteed masterpiece. That deserves a WOW! Come on man you are like the Ben Lyons of this blog, you are like the critic that makes ridiculous statements just to get quoted in a trailer for a movie.

Oh and that is hilarious, you eat bamboo and have a trainer named Rex. Just keep goin to that well dude. And before you come on here with you're sure fire rebuttal of, "if it aint broke dont fix it," let me stop you, because in all reality my friend it is broke. Oh and as for your other argument of "dude this all stems back to the OC" or "laef only watches indy flicks." you can keep those in the vault from now on too because they are ridiculous and you know it. Get off the dick of movies you expect to make a lot of money and get a thought of your own. Wow dude I was just like eminiem in 8 Mile right there. I just handed you the mic via the internet. Oh yeh WOOOOOOO.

p.s. I lah you haha


Laef

Trailer Hunting With Your Favorite Panda Bear

On today's episode we are going to show you the latest trailer for Todd Phillips latest I'm sure to be masterpeice. This trailer is absolutely brilliant and funny as hell, lets just go ahead and chalk up yet another hit for Mr. Phillips and let it be known that Judd Apatow aint the only kid in the school yard that can play kickball at a high level, or something else that is much funnier...

This movie is set to hit theaters on June 5th, and let it be know that Rex and I will be standing in line with the rest of you to get tickets, so if you are next to us in line please remember not to feed the animals because we are very unpredictable and could mistake your arm for a bamboo stick, or if you are a woman your boobs as oranges, pandas eat oranges right?!

I Love You, Always, and Never,

College Panda

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Development of Jack Shepherd


"Maybe the island wants to fix itself Kate." A short and simple line to most people. However, in my opinion it was just a completely telling line. Without question there is no other show on television that introduces things or develops things with no intention of brining them back until several seasons later. Without question there is no other show on television that has developed characters the way that Lost does. 

When Jack spoke that line while talking to Kate while Kate was trying to get Jack to save a young Ben, it made me remember why I watch this show and why I have watched every episode more than once. Ever since the middle of season one when John Locke stumbled across the infamous hatch (and probably even before that) there has been a recurring theme in this show. The dispute and differences between John Locke and Jack. It was a constant struggle between a man of science and a man of faith. Locke was always speaking of the island as if it had an agenda and as if it had a plan for everyone there. He would do things because "the island asked him to." The fact that his agenda and his actions were so hinged on faith that the island had bigger and better plans for him was not surprising since the island seems to have magical powers that gave Locke the ability to walk again after being paralyzed years before the crash. This was a man who was given back everything he wanted and then some. 

Then there is Jack. He is a world class surgeon who believes that everything has an explanation and that he can control everything that happens in his life. This is what developed him into the leader, he felt he could control situations. Even when Jack would lose control of a situation, there had to be an explanation, it was not the island who was doing things. You would expect a doctor like him to be a man of science and a man of control. Some might say a God complex, and there could be no way that the island could have more control than him. really Jack has been fighting for control his life, all the way from his lack of control in his relationship with his dad to his lack of control to his relationship with his ex-wife.

 [ Note- It is hard to explain really, if some does not watch the show, just how complex the characters John and Jack are and the reasons behind their dedications to their belief systems. So many things have happened in both of their lives to contribute to the ideas and beliefs and to get into them all would just be ridiculous at this point, but it just speaks to Lost's commitment to it's character development.]

However, It is these opposing viewpoints, the viewpoints of John Locke and Jack Shepherd, that have kept me coming back for more, episode after episode and season after season.  It has been hinted at all season that Jack was turning that corner, that he was starting to believe that the island had a plan for him and that it he had a purpose on that island. After seasons of a constant struggle between his beliefs and Locke's, it seemed as though Jack was starting to believe the hoopla. That is what makes Jack's line tonight so profound, "Maybe the island wants to fix itself." Amazing. After all these seasons of Jack denying these thoughts and always trying to control situations and be the hero, it is not until season 5 that he realizes he cannot save everything, and he truly has no control and that the island needs to just run its course. Lost is the only show who can take a running theme like that and develop it over 5 seasons until they want to flip it on its ear and do something like they did tonight. That is one of the most unbelievable instances of plot and character development that I have ever seen, but I guess I have come to expect it from Lost.

Another interesting thing that I do not know if people have noticed, but it seems as if Patsy Cline is sort of Kate's theme music. We have heard it several times over the years in her flashbacks and we heard it again tonight. Yes, Lost has made Patsy Cline cool again. Just another thing to add to their resume. Oh and next week seems to be just as promising.

In no way should I be writing this post right now with all the projects and papers I have due in the next two days, but I feel like it was something the island needed me to do.


Laef

Oh Me Oh My, Jack Bauer Fans Buckle Your Seat Belts!!!!!

This is some of the most exciting news I've heard since it was announced that Scarlett was going to be in Iron Man 2. According to Craveonline Casting and Plot details have leaked about Marvel's 2011 release of Thor. And most of you 24 fans will be pleased to hear that Jack Bauer aka Kiefer Sutherland is set to play Donald Blake aka Thor. Now don't get your panties in a bunch and say now how the hell are they going to have Jack Bauer play Thor, isn't Thor huge? Well yes it appears that Marvel has thought about this as well and are only casting Sutherland to play Blake until he makes his transformation into Thor. Once the transformation is complete Thor will be played by Alexander Skarsgard, who us True Blood fans know very well, but everyone else probably has no idea who that is. I think that is a great pic for Thor, although he needs to get a lot bigger than he is on the show, I'm sure he wont have a problem doing that though.

As for
Kiefer Sutherland as Donald Blake I feel like that is also a brilliant choice as well. They needed star power and Sutherland certainly brings that to the table. As for directing it has been announced that Kenneth Branagh is their man and he will also be playing the role of Odin, or Thor's Father.

The Basic
plot line of the film looks to be set mostly on Earth where Asgardian Sif, played by Natalie Portman, and Balder, played by Josh Hartnett, are sent down posing as mortals by Branagh (Odin) to watch over Thor. Other members of the cast include Jamie Kennedy as Loki (very questionable), Jason Statham as the Executioner (Badass!!), and Marley Shelton as the Enchantress (Grindhouse, Smoking Hot). Here is a way better description of the Plot for the movie than I could give you from Craveonline:

Much of the earlier part of the film will take place on Earth, in which fellow Asgardians Sif (Natalie Portman) and Balder (Josh Hartnett) are posing as mortals to watch over Thor in his vulnerable state. When Loki (played by Jamie Kennedy) gets wind of Thor’s banishment, he sends Enchantress (Marley Shelton) and Executioner (Jason Statham) to take him out. In their failure to do so, the two unwittingly unlock the godly powers within him. Following is an all out war between the two displaced brothers that threatens to destroy Midgard (again, Earth) in the process.

Loki responds to Thor’s awakening by attempting to trigger “Ragnarock”, the end of Asgard, and the destruction of all the gods within. Of course this attracts the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D., who intervene on Thor’s behalf at a crucial moment

This of course will lead right into the already Hyped Avengers Movie... Let us know what you think, I know I'm happy with the casting.

I Love You Always, and Never,

College Panda

P.S. Hey
Laef "I didnt want to wake you up, but I really want to show you something" WOOOOO!!!! I'm in!!!!!

OMG, Latest Star Trek Extended TV Spot! "Hey Panda Get Out Of The Bathroom" "Rex, Ill Be Right Out!!"

Holy Shit wow I'm so pumped I saw this today, obviously its not as good as the other trailer for Star Trek that I posted earlier (because that was the greatest movie trailer of all time) but this one is so so so good for a 60 second TV Spot. If you are out there and are skeptical about this movie and have actually watched the trailers for it you should be asking yourself if you are alive or human, or have feelings or emotion because mark my words this movie will be the best movie of the year. Without further adue here is their latest TV Spot:

Oh and JJ thank you so much for this movie buddy wow great work... Also I'm very excited for Lost tonight, if you get a chance could you call me later I had some questions about the show that I needed answered.
I Love You, Always, and Never,

College Panda

P.S.
Laef, "Why are you talking to me man?" WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Blu Ray Review With Your Favorite Panda (I'm Back!!!)

Slumdog Millionare more like Slumdog Brillianare!!!!! Let me start from the beginning, this kills me to admit but honestly when I first heard about this movie I was extremely skeptical and thought it was your basic, you know, shitty Indie movie that Laef loves and hypes because its beautifully shot and has a cast know one has ever heard of. It reminded me of those movies that are hyped for Oscar's that were only up for it because they were artsy, and unique, or some dude was blowing another dude in it so the academy thought it was courageous or brave... Then after seeing Laefs Top 10 Reboot in which he put Slumdog number two behind the Dark Knight. I have to admit after seeing that list and then listening to Laef constantly tell me how great the movie was I became very much interested and decided yesterday as I was going to make my weekly Blu Ray purchase that I was going to buy Slumdog Millionare and give it the shot it deserved.

Visually on
Blu Ray this movie is stunning sharp bright colors make India look truly beautiful, the disk is full of bright yellows and dark blacks its truly sexy and brilliant and looks great on a Plasma screen. Very few times throughout the movie did I notice moments on screen where it strayed from 1080p quality by becoming fuzzy or the colors started to blend a bit. If you are a lover of Blu Rays like I am you will appreciate the passion and love Danny Boyle has for this movie and it really comes through on the disk. Watching the making of this movie (which is one of the special features on the disk) you can see how much fun him and the rest of the cast had making this movie.

Not only was the
Blu Ray beautifully put together and a joy to watch but the movie itself was remarkable. Everything you could ask for in a movie was in it. Action, murder, laughter, passion, and a truly magical LI that lasts years. The storyline is brilliant and so well told and the underlying theme of the movie "Destiny" is something I love and want. And wow the soundtrack of this movie gets it soooo much... Laef told me about the scene where young Jamal and Salim were on the trains "hustlin" as they say and Paper Planes comes on by MIA and its soo soo good I cant even explain it. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! After I saw Trainspotting I thought to myself that this man, Danny Boyle, had talent but after seeing this movie on Blu Ray, Wow and WOOO, and OMG, and That dog will Hunt (Ole Painless, you know).. Maybe the thing I enjoyed most about this movie was realizing the emergence of a star. If you watch the movie you will notice that Freida Pinto, is not only amazingly gorgeous but a very talented actress as well and is well on her way to stardom landing in role in Woody Allen's next film along with a star studded cast. Here are a couple of her Covers she has done, there are surprisingly not many hot posses they have of her someone needs to get on that:


All in all I give this movie an A- and
definitely recommend purchasing on Blu Ray, not only is it visually stunning, but its a great movie one that you will watch more than once I can promise you that. Laef thank you for this, I owe you pal. And sorry to my College Panda cubs (followers) I was in hibernation last week, I am one of those rare bears who only hibernate for a week or so randomly, but I'm back now, I couldn't sleep anyways Rex always snores and I get way to horny as well.

I Love You, Always, and Never,

College Panda

P.S. Haymes your posts are so so bad and you are ruining this site with your shitty posts and turning this site into Perez Hilton, who I hear your blowing now!!!