Stop the Shenanigans

So I feel like continuing this argument with Haymes would only benefit his writing on this blog because the mere fact that I retaliated to his Pittsburgh post forced him to actually write something with some substance and not just random pointless videos. With that said, I will not discuss sports, because well that was the point of my "Nobody cares" post, that this is not a sports blog.  The only thing I am going to mention is the ridiculous poll Haymes has up for the "Worst Show on Television." First of all, Amazing Race? I guess the handful of Emmy's that they have won are completely irrelevant. Plus, correct me if I am wrong but the show is a giant treasure hunt, seems pretty damn cool to me. Then he has the Big Bang Theory, which I only watch because it is on before How I Met Your Mother, but it is very very funny. Next we have Kings, and yes I did give it a 6/10 in my review of the premiere, but I have watched every episode since because as I said in my review the show has promise. And to be honest, I enjoy the show and I think that there are some really good plot lines to develop.  And can we get some shows from VH1 and MTV on that list? Oh that's right you watch those shows, which completely disqualifies you from making a list of terrible shows.

But for now I have to go because I am too busy laughing at The Big Bang Theory as I write this.

Hopefully this ends this ridiculous argument because let's be honest this post was neither effective nor funny.  

*Damn pride, just couldn't let this one go could ya?*

good day

Laef

 

Like School on Saturday's

I get that this is primarily a movie and television blog. I do, I get it. So let me apologize for straying from this blogs M.O. But I don't get how bashing me for writing about sports in one breath and then congratulating Villanova and wishing them luck in the next round is not being the least bit hypocritical? So Laef you spend hours upon hours looking for a quote from anyone saying something bad about Pittsburgh and the best you can come up with is Sienna Miller aka the female Channing Tatum. I didn't even give a professional link to her because I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a career anymore after saying that. I had a long list of things to choose from after searching 'Cleveland', none of those being about winning championships, but I did find this. An actual blog dedicated to counting down the time that has gone by since Cleveland won a championship. Not just one particular team, the ENTIRE city. The streak which has as of this moment reached 16,164 days. Make your own jokes, I just feel bad now. And sorry I'm not in 6th grade anymore and impressed by posters. Unless it is one of those motivational type posters that Barry Stinson represents. Checkmate.

So while I'm on the topic of streaks let me get into the streak of movie going that I will be starting this weekend. But unlike any streak in Cleveland this one can't last forever(couldn't resist). For the next 8 weeks there are great movies coming out. Let me give you the rundown...
4/3 Adventureland,
4/10 Observe and Report,
4/17 State of Play,
4/24 The Soloist/ Fighting,
5/1-Wolverine,
5-8-Star Trek,
5-15 Angels and Demons,
5-22 Terminator Salvation,
Epic.

While she may be out of 'Iron Man 2', according to ReelMovieNews, Emily Blunt has signed on to 'Get Him to the Greek' the next great thing from Jason Segel. The details are still being ironed out but this is supposed to be a follow up to the hit 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'. This one will focus more on Russel Brands hilarious character Aldous Snow and Blunt is to portray a musician who may duet with Brand. I'm giddy.

HERE WE GO STEELERS -

Some Exciting Posters

Over the weekend a teaser poster for Guy Ritchie's new Sherlock Holmes movie, starring Robert Downey Jr., was leaked and even though it is very basic it only added to the anticipation I have building for this movie (courtesy of /film). I am a huge Guy Ritchie fan and have enjoyed almost all of his movies. It will be a different pace for him though because he will be working with some of the biggest movie stars in the world on this one. Yes, I realize he has worked with Gerard Butler and Jason Statham, but I don't think even they compare to Downey Jr. or Jude Law.

Another teaser poster that i came across over at ropeofsilicon.com this weekend was the teaser poster for the new Martin Scorcese and Leonardo Dicaprio project, Shutter Island. It is not exactly the poster I expected for a movie with those two, it almost seems like a cheap horror movie poster, but in no way does it make me second guess this movie. With Scorcese at the helm and Dicaprio starring, I do not think you can miss.

Oh and some other news, Dicaprio has signed on to do a comic adaptation called "Button Man." The summary of the plot that I got from Cinemablend.com was basically that Leo plays a mercenary and participates in a sport called "the game" with several other mercenaries and Leo's character wants out of this game and he is either going to have to kill everyone or die himself to get out of it. Very vague, but I love seein Leo in these type of bad ass roles. There is no director attached yet, but with Leo signed on and the popularity of comic adaptations I have to assume it will be somebody very very interesting.

Laef

Nobody Cares

We (we being me and Panda) have told Haymes several times that we do not want to hear or see anything about Pittsburgh sports on this blog. First of all because this is a movie and TV blog not a sports blog, especially not a Pittsburgh sports blog (we want to talk about sports let's talk about how my cavaliers have the best record in the NBA). Second because Pittsburgh sports fans get so excited because yeh, it is a good sports town, but come on Haymes, the greatest sports city? What about Boston or New York, let's not get crazy now. I mean you do not even have a pro basketball team and your baseball franchise is a joke. And yeh I get it you have a hockey team, but that means absolutely nothing to people outside of Pittsburgh, that I can assure you.

Hopefully Haymes realizes what is important and what is not important to the readers and writers of this blog, and I can tell you right now Pittsburgh sports is not. If you want to relate Pittsburgh to movie news lets talk about how Sienna Miller once called it "Shittsburgh." So no, it is not the most creative play on words, but I think it gets the point across. So here is to Villanova, thank you for knocking the University of Pittsburgh out of the tournament because I do not think I could have watched them for another game. Hopefully you go on and beat UNC this weekend and make it another great weekend (That is for you CT). I will leave all you pittsburgh fans with this. (By the way this is probably my first and last sports post. I know my brilliant analysis will be missed and for that I am truly sorry.)

Laef

My Search Is Over

My Search Is Over

I grew up in a time, where action movies and cheap thrills at the box office were an American staple (eg: Cliffhanger). But now a days it seems our world is struggling for that next action hero to come into Hollywood and provide me with the action packed cheap thrill I need and deserve. Despite Dwayne "the Rock" Johnsons last couple of movies, i still think he has potential, but he remains in quesiton on account of Race to Witch Mountain and the Game Plan. Daniel Craig has done a fine job in the Bond movies but I don't know if he plans to stray away from that franchise. Also if I'm not mistaken, during the shooting of Quantum of Solace he brought up the fact that Bond should potentially be a homosexual. Wow! Interpret that however you want. I want a muscular atractive strong jawed average height middle aged man to come onto the screen and shoot people with weapons and get in sweet hand to hand combat and make a living off of it. Is that too much to ask? I dont think it is.


With that said, I want to endorse my pick for the next generations action hero: Thomas Jane. After seeing Thomas Jane in the Punisher, I have been calling, nigh begging, for him to do more movies in which he kicks ass, because he does kick ass. I thought he would have been a better choice for max payne instead of Marky Mark. But I digress. When I heard he did not sign on for the second punisher film I was devestated. Ray Stevenson was freakin bad ass but I loved what Thomas Jane brought to that movie. Now that I have prefaced myself, I want to share two movies coming out starring Thomas Jane that have given me a raging hard on.


The first one has just recently been brought to my attention by none other than Laef. Its called "Give em Hell Malone". I dont even need a trailer. Just look at the title of the movie and tell me it wont be bad ass. Then tell me Thomas Jane is playing Malone. I'm there opening night for sure. Well not opening night, because Loews theater in the Waterfront is 5 bucks Mon-Thurs so i'll be there the following week. In case you havent seen the teaser for this movie and you do not trust my judgement, here it is.. .



Enjoy these two trailers...Mutant Chronicles comes out April 24th and I have no clue when Give em Hell Malone comes out....Dont thank me for these, thank Thomas Jane

-Ole Painless

This doesn't usually happen to me...

I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania A.K.A City of Champions, A.K.A Sixburgh, A.K.A Most Livable City in America. With that said, it is pretty unusual when my favorite hometown sports team doesn't compete in or win a championship. I realize that the last A.K.A I threw out there doesn't apply but I feel Pittsburgh has never got enough deserved attention for being something other than the best sports city in America.

Back to what I was trying to get at. After getting over the hump and beating Xavier in the Sweet 15(Sorry Arizona, you sucked big time),my favorite college basketball team the #1 seed Pittsburgh Panthers lost in the Elite 8 to #3 seed Villanova Wildcats tonight. Other than the big controversy of which feline mascot, Panther or Wildcat, was the more dangerous animal this game had a lot of story lines. Villanova upset Pitt earlier this year, both teams were from the Big East, and well actually that was about it, but thanks to great commentating we only heard about both of those 87 times through the telecast. Being a #1 seed I, and millions of others, fully expected Pitt to win their region and move on to the Final 4 and compete for a championship. Not only because they were a top seed and have had a tremendous year but because they are associated with Pittsburgh and championships are expected. But Villanova had other plans.

I really just want to start ripping into Pitt and every miscue they made in their final game of the season, but I can't. The seniors of this team led Pitt to uncharted territory. Levance Fields, Sam Young, and yes, even you Tyrell Biggs, all made contributions that continued to the bright future of Pitt basketball. Sam Young could have gone to the NBA last year and been a late first-early second round pick and presumably made a nice amount of money. But he stayed. For himself, for the team, and for the program. I hope DeJuan Blair makes the same decision. I can't be mad at you Pitt, you gave the best you had. To the seniors let me leave with you with this, "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."

Sorry, I had to touch on that. I warned readers in my first post that I would occasionally write about hometown sports and now three months later I have, blow me.

Thanks to my signature 'Haymes stamp of approval' I'm expecting a higher box office total this weekend for my favorite 2009 movie I Love You, Man. Honestly, I don't know if there is a hotter or more perfect girlfriend/engagee/wife than Rashida Jones plays in this movie. Not like I already have done this or anything, but if I was going to put together a list of characteristics and physical features that I look for in a potential mate, Jones' character would be scoring off the charts. Between the perfect bangs, hip personality, able-to- fit-in-with-friends and ability to look good in yellow she is the total package. Other than Jason Segel not getting naked and showing his package (sorry I'm not going to link to that, go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall sicko), she was the most pleasant surprise in this movie.

Don't forget to go check out Adventureland, it comes out this Friday April 3. It was filmed in Pittsburgh, PA at Kennywood Park so I will definitely be in attendance opening night. That's it for now. Well at least with basketball season over I'll have more time to train for this. Wish me luck.

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

I Love You, Man

I was going to let Haymes review this movie in order to redeem himself of the terrible VUSS segment that he has been doing, but of course he took his sweet ass time in going out to see the film and then decided not to get a review on here, so i will have to take the reins on this one.

Throughout the whole press tour for this movie and within the weeks leading up to its release, people from the press continually called this movie a bromance. Well let me stop you right there people, because I will never refer to a movie as a bromantic comedy. That literally hurt me to even write that just then, no joke, I am now bleeding from my eyes. You might be thinking, "Whats your problem with the phrase 'bromantic comedy,' Laef?" Well really I have two problems with it. First, is the fact that I refuse to refer to a movie featuring two of my favorite actors (Segel and Rudd) using the same word as the title of an MTV reality show (Bromance) in which a large number of tools embarassed themselves on television to become friends with Brody "why the hell am I famous" Jenner. Also, I have a huge problem with our neverending need to put titles on things, or make trendy names for shit. It makes me sick. Like the word "tween." Don't you just feel like a pedophile even saying that word? Also, I have a hard time believing Rudd and Segel didn;t absolutely throw up in their mouth everytime some Dbag reporter asked them "So how do you feel about doing a bromantic comedy?" Now, on to the review.

Most movie revies will start off with a brief synopsis of the plot, but I am not going to waste time doing that because if you have seen a trailer for this movie you know the plot exactly and if you have not seen a trailer, maybe you should try putting that book down and turning on the television, nerd. When I first saw this trailer I immediately was excited because of the cast. I obviously love Segel and Rudd. Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Role Models were two of my favorite movies from last year. And Rashida Jones is back on the map after her underappreciated role as Karen on The Office.

I went into the theater with some pretty high expectations for this one, and I do not want to say I was disappointed, because that is not the right word. Let's go with surprised. Surprised, because of the slow pace of the beginning of the movie. Rudd did a great job, but it was sort of up to him to really carry the comedy through the first 20-30 minutes of the film and he did well with it, but in comparison to movies like Role Models, Superbad or Knocked Up, there were not as many laughs early on. This is because every member of the casts of those movies can bring the funny. But once Segel joined the picture, the laughs came almost non-stop because of the way Rudd and Segel play off of each other. We got to see a little bit of this chemistry in Sarah Marshall, but I love You, Man took it to a whole new level.

On a side note, does anybody else love how they have incorporated hilarious music into Segel's last two movies. I think there should be a rule that he has to play music in every one of his movies because it is a stroke of genius.

Another surprising thing was the difference in the type of role Rudd played in this in comparison to what we are used to seeing him in. Do not get me wrong, he absolutely killed it as the socially akward, not so sure of himself, lovable loser Peter Klaven. But we are used to seeing him in a more watered down version of his ultra smart ass role in Role Models.

Some people might say that this is a romantic comedy, but about two hetro-sexual guys. Well I disagree, I sort of looked at this as a spoof on the traditional romantic comedy and it was absolutely hilarious to me. Panda claims that some of it was corny, well personally I disagree, but I tihnk he is just using the wrong word to describe what he thought of it. I can see why he did not like it, and thats beside the fact that his taste in movies is abismal. It was not as good as some of the more recent comedies, but it is definitely worth a peek at the theaters and I enjoyed myself the whole way through.

I Love You, Man...7/10

Laef

V.U.S.S Part Tre

First off let me apologize to Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Director John Hamburg, Bernard Gayle Productions and anyone else who was banking on I Love You, Man making a killing at the box office this weekend(Only grossed $18 million and came in 2nd overall). March Madness consumed my whole weekend and I didn't have any time to go see your movie and put out a review to let the masses know if it got the signature Haymes 'stamp of approval'. *Note*: Rather than double posting similar reviews on movies and TV I will start giving my 'stamp of approval' following any reviews I agree with, so instead of having to wait to see what I think, if you see my 'stamp' you know I like it and you will too. Now let me get into what you all came to see...

I don't really believe in the whole "save the best for last" thing. Never have been and never will. Sorry Ladies. So allow me to do what I do and lead with my best foot(video) forward...



Wow. If that video doesn't get you fired up you better check yo self. Next up we got my boys Jake and Amir. They are two internet comedians that I've been following for awhile on CollegeHumor. Here they are interviewing The Lonely Island. Does the Lonely Island do anything that isn't slap your knee funny?? Even that picture is hilarious.



Allow me to go back to the Funny Or Die well once again. It's really tough to spotlight just one hilarious video from this brilliant site. Here is a David Blaine spoof video. Where in the world does the word spoof come from? I'd like to know who came up with that.



And lastly I'd like to share with the world a classic Pittsburgh commercial. Because I sit on my behind all day watching TV and Twittering I have plenty of time to find gems like this. I don't know if it's the guy's mustache, the way he pronounces "26" or every word in general, or the fact that this commercial cost about $10 tops. Luv it.



Here's a classic love song that means a little something special to your boy Haymes. This ones for you boo.

Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional

Digging For New Trailers With Your Favorite Panda

While I was digging a whole in my cage trying to hide my bamboo sticks from my cage-mate Rex I stumbled upon something brilliant... Maybe the next great comedy of our time, maybe the next brilliant piece in summer blockbusters, something that made my beautiful fur stand on end, something that made me believe I was alive. Of course I dug it out and dusted it off and uploaded it for you my fans, Micheal Cera is so fucking hilarious in this trailer, god damn this movie is going to be awesome. I love the cameo they show of Paul Rudd as well, it makes me want to see this movie even more... I smell Blockbuster!!!! Here it is the latest trailer for Year One starring Jack Black and Michael Cera:

This movie is going to be brilliant I'm telling you, it hits theaters June 19th, me and Rex have already reserved tickets... Damn it, Rex fucking found my stash and is eating it, oh fuck it we are going to sit here and watch the Departed before we sneak out of the cage tonight.

I Love You Always, and Never,

College Panda

The Panda Is Hungry and Hoping For "Cloudy With a Chance Of Meatballs"

Normally I never buy into animated movies but this one looks pretty good and it features the voices of some great comedic actors, Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Andy Samberg, and Tracy Morgan. Then you add in a dash of Mr. T, and sprinkle a dash of James Caan and you got yourself one delicious movie, one which I would like to eat after my morning bamboo stick and walk. I don't know about you guys but after watching this trailer count me in, ill be there with a knife, fork, napkin and a smile. Here is the trailer for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs from Sony Pictures Animation:



I Love You Always, And Never,


College Panda

Kings? More Like queens (cuz the sons gay, get it?)

So I watched the pilot for the show Kings today over at NBC.com today and I do not really know what to make of the show. College Panda already gave you a basic run down of the story from the show so I am not going to go into too much detail, but I will warn you some of the stuff in this post might be considered a spoiler. 

I guess I will start my review at the same place the basic story of the show started, and that is with the war between the two fictional countries (Gath (?) are the bad guys and the good guys, well I think they only said the name of the country once so I forget).  Nearly every aspect of the story that centered around military battles was terrible. The basic idea behind the war is that the good guys cannot destroy the Gath tanks, called Goliaths, yet when the main character, David, goes to save some prisoners that Gath has taken hostage, he is able to take out one tank with a simple RPG. If you can take out the tank with an RPG I do not think they would be that much of a problem. Also, the guy who takes out the tank is named David while the tanks are Goliaths...come on, so you are just going to go with the obvious David vs. Goliath, not even try to hide it? Not to mention when David is running into the Gath camp, they have what are basically stadium lights shining on the ground all around the camp and soliders everywhere yet nobody sees him. Then by pure luck, the first tent he looks in contains the soldiers not being guarded by anybody. A little too easy if you ask me. Oh and David risked his life by going into this camp for one simple explanation, "I have a feeling..." Wow that is profound. Give me a break.

Once David frees the king's son, Jack, and they are back to the kingdom in a fictional city called Shiloh, the show begins to pick up at least a little bit. There are some nice scenes between David and the King's daughter, who by the way is gorgeous. Also, we see more of the kings personality and the king is played very well by Ian McShane. On screen the king and David have a solid on screen chemistry when they are together and theat an make for some intense moments. However, once he has recovered, we meet the man that David saved, the king;s son, Jack. This is sort of when the chow basically becomes your average teen drama, only this teen drama is hidden behind some political context. He is a bad boy renegade who likes to go out and party with the ladies. What a novel idea, a politician's kid who is bad for the politician's rep. WEAK! But I will give the show credit for a little twist they throw at us. The playboy antics of the son are really just him covering up the fact that he is gay, which in most other teen drams is how the guys act, but they are actually straight. But not in King's, in this show he is actually gay, but acting straight for his father's acceptance. 

Then we find out that the king is not actually running the country, but his wealthy and powerful brother-on-law is really the man pulling the strings. Which is pretty cheap and obvious drama in my book. We also come to find out that the king has a whole family away from his royal family, which is actually pretty cool. And throughout the show we see the hidden evil underbelly of the Government at Shiloh and that cold make for some interesting story line. That was shown in this episode when the king had his people murder and cover up one if his high ranking officials, because he did not agree with a decision made by the king. Oh and what is the deal with the terrible chemistry between the king's son JAck, and the Kings wife? Everytime they are on screen there is this weird incest vibe going on, I feel like they are going to make out.

 It's hard to develop an opinion on a show based on one episode so i will probably tune in again next week, but do not let College Panda fool you. The main reason he liked this show was because of how visually appealing it was. Well 95% (a statistic I made up for this post, but I guarantee it is close) of the show has the camera 1 inch from the face of the speaking character, it was a horribly directed episode and the whole idea behind the butterflies that Panda thought was so cool is actually extremely lame and stupid. But I can't blame College Panda, the show had bright lights and big buildings and Panda is like the 5 year old retarted kid I used to babysit, because I used to shine a flash light in his eyes whenever he would act up and the bright lights really intrigued him.

Overall 5/10 (but with some promise)

Laef

Paramount Moving Shit Left And Right

In one of my earlier posts I explained how Paramount set the release date for Thor at June 17th, 2011, it has been announced they will move their release date to May 20th, 2011 just two weeks after Spiderman 4 is released!!!

As I have already stated 2011 is going to be a crazy summer!!! I'm so pumped yet still so drunk, St. Patty's day is wearing on me already, I do it for you, my loving fans who never give up on an old drunk Panda bear.

I Love You Always, And Never,

College Panda

Production News Around Hollywood

Because I am such an attraction at the Zoo, I mean I'm a panda that can talk, type on the computer, escape from his cage and retrieve vital information happening around Hollywood, as well as bang my hot ass trainer I have made some friends in this town. Friends in high up places that I have been able to call upon to retrieve my info.

According to my source at Variety, Paramount Pictures just bought the rights to John Le Carre's ("The Constant Gardener") espionage thriller The Night Manager. Set to produce this movie is Brad Pitt's Plan B production company.

Also my source has revealed to me that J.J. Abrams production company, Bad Robot, has just acquired the rights to Wired Magazine article written by Joshua Davis about a group of Italian Diamond thieves. Apparently a number of Davis' articles written for this magazine have been turned into feature projects.

I Love You Always, And Never,

College Panda

Summer 2011 News!!!

According to Variety, Dreamworks and Paramount have released a release date for Transformers 3. This could change as many of them do. They have announced a release date of July 1st, 2011. Think about that summer it is going to be sick!!! So many Blockbusters, I feel like I'm going to blockBUST in my pants just thinking about it.

None of the cast or Michael Bay have officially signed on for this but I'm sure after the success with the 2nd one they will be more than willing to sign on for a third.

With my life expectancy as an endangered animal I'm not sure ill be alive by 2011, I may be dead in an alley somewhere or my fur will be used as someones carpet or coat. This sucks I just need to live for two more years until summer 2011 so I can see this and the Avengers movie and then you rich snobs can take my fur and do what you will with it.

UPDATE: Micheal Bay has responded to The Release Date by posting this message on his blog:

Wait a Minute!
I said I was taking off a year from Transformers. Paramount made a mistake in dating Transformers 3 - they asked me on the phone - I said yes to July 4 - but for 2012 - whoops! Not 2011!!! That would mean I would have to start prep in September. No way. My brain needs a break from fighting robots.
Michael

Looks like we may be seeing a different release date unless they are planning on booting Bay from the third one.

I Love You Always, And Never,

College Panda

New Sam Mendes Movie: Away We Go

The Panda has done it again, creeping around the internet and I stumbled across a new trailer released for Sam Mendes new comedy starring John Krasinski (The Office, above), Mya Rudolph (SNL), Maggie Gyllenhaal (Dark Knight), Jeff Daniels (Dumb and Dumber). This movie looks pretty funny, I wasn't aware that Krasinski was doing a Sam Mendes movie?? That's pretty big time for him, I will support anything he does, I mean I even went and saw that movie with him and Mandy Moore, the title is escaping me right now and I'm not going to IMDB it because spoiler alert it blew ass.

It could either be a hit or a miss this one. I'm hoping it will be a hit because I want to see Halpert succeed but then again I would also like to see it flop because I desperately want to see Maggie Gyllenhall fail and get run out of Hollywood. College Panda doesnt like girls that look like they got hit in the face repeatedly with a frying pan and then thrown up on and somehow it gone embedded in her face. Thats just me, now her brother thats a whole different story(bow chick-a-bow wow) ummm I mean I think he is a fine actor.

Subject change here is the trailer for Away We Go:

'Away We Go' Theatrical Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

I'm still feeling it and my trainer here at the Zoo keeps bringing me more green beer, I think she is trying to get me drunk so I'll do what I told her I hate doing, but she always uses her seductive ways to get what she wants. Maybe I'll make her day, I mean it is St. Patty's day after all!!!

I Love You Always, And Never,

College Panda

Exciting Thor Casting News From The Panda!!!

Locked up in my cage this morning I was still able to celebrate with like you humans in your day of drinking by covering myself in bamboo and having my trainer pour green beer into my bowl, so Pandas are up pretty early and my bowl is like a 50 ounce bowl and I've had like 10 bowls it seems like so I love St. Patty's and I love bamboo.

What a great day it is when I come across news such as this. A cast list for the lead of Thor has officially leaked and the men up for the role of Thor is as follows, Josh Hartnett (which I mentioned in an earlier post), Charlie Hunnam(Sons of Anarchy, and personally I think he would be bad ass as Thor), Tom Hiddleston (the gathering storm), Liam Hemsworth, and Joel Kinnaman. Personally I have never heard of Liam Hemsworth or Joel Kinnaman, and looking at pics of Kinnaman, he looks like an absolute bitch. I really think Charlie Hunnam would be bad ass as Thor, as do I think Hartnett could do a good job as well, but clearly Hunnam would be an awesome choice.

Some more great news regarding Thor is that Natalie Portman will be playing the lead female role, which she could be playing one of three possible roles: Amora the Enchantress (which is like Thors LI), Sif (Thors wife), Jane Foster (Who is Donald Blake's nurse who eventually starts to like him).

This is awesome I love Natalie Portman, if only she was into beastiality I think her and I would have a real future together. I will leave you with a sexy picture of her why I sit here and drink my green beer and cry thinking about what could have been between Natalie and I using my tears as lubrication.





I Love You Always, And Never,

College Panda

Update: Panda Clip Hunting

Here's another clip just released, hot off the press I guess is what they say. I like Ole Painless's saying, that dog will hunt. I think it makes more sense in this senario... This clip shows Jon Favreau and Jamie Pressly, wow there are some solid cameo's in this flick I am getting more and more amped to see this by the second, I just hope Rex keeps the gate unlocked for me again after the favor I did for him the other day, I dont really want to talk about it.

I'll keep you updated with any and all new clips, because I love this movie and I love all of you.

I Love You Always, And Never, Man!!!,

College Panda

Last House on the Left

There is no question at all as to who watches the most movies on this blog and who knows the most about movies on this blog. If Haymes and Panda come on here and argue the fact that I am the most knowledgeable and the most avid film watcher of the three of us then they are only trying to be difficult. With that said, I am going to start reviewing most of the movies I see, whether they are new releases in the theater or something that has been out for a while that I am just watching for the first time. If you are looking for honest and solid opinions on movies I am your man (or Ole Painless, whenever he decides to stop by the UBP and drop some knowledge, but I have to warn you he is very stealth and you may now know he was even here). 

Before I get into my review I would like to make a comment on the fact that Panda loves the new show Kings. For all I know (since I have yet to watch it), Kings may be the next Lost (highly unlikely), but it is not because Panda told me it was good.  College Panda must have seen the trailer for this show a couple weeks ago and without any knowledge of the plot or the characters decided he was going to get behind the show and support it blindly. This show could have been the biggest piece of shit ever but because he decided he wanted to support it, there was no changing his mind. Long story short, you will never get an honest/realistic opinion about a show or movie from Panda. But keep this in mind if you watch a show that Panda supports and it happens to be good, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while. 

On to Last House on the Left. Going into the theater I had very high hopes for this movie. In all honesty, I am sort of on a horror flick kick as of late (probably because as recently as a couple of months ago I was able to watch them for the first time without covering my eyes with a blanket). This horror movie in particular was intriguing to me because of the cool premise. What happens when the tormented decide to defend themselves and become the tormenters? Not to mention it was one of the better trailers I had seen in a very long time. 

The story revolves around a family who has a lake house in the middle of nowhere. The father of the family is a doctor, the wife is a college professor (I think) and the daughter is an overachieving swim champ. The family decides to take some much needed vacation time and go to the lake house. well it just so happens that while the family is in town, there is a group of sadistic, convicted murderers on the loose, in which the leader of the group just escaped cop custody by killing the officers with the help of the rest of his group (his girlfriend and his brother). 

The swim champion daughter decides she wants to go see an old friend in town and in the midst of a drug deal find themselves in the same hotel room as the crew of murderers. From here the daughter is kidnapped, shot and raped by the leader of the group and left for dead in the lake. When the killers wreck their car they are forced to find shelter at one of the lake houses. It just so happens that this lake house belongs to the swim champions family and this is when the movie gets good because eventually the parents find out who the group of strangers are that just came into their home looking for help. With this information in hand they decide to fight back and what ensues is some very bloody and suspenseful action. 

As exciting and satisfying as some of the scenes are, this movie really moves at a slow pace for the first 3/4 of the film. Also, the trailer is much better than the movie actually is and we never get to here the awesome rendition of sweet child of mine from the trailer. Pacing and over anticipation aside, this movie was rather entertaining. If you go see it before this coming weekend it is definitely worth it, but once Friday hits there are a string of movies coming out that you are not going to want to miss and Last House on the Left will have to wait until it hits the third shelf on the right at your local video store (yes, I actually thought this was a good line).

Laef

Clip Hunting With The Panda

In response to Haymes last post, I mean I really have no response, I wouldn't understand someone like him to respect a show like this, and especially not appreciate the way it was broadcasted either, especially since he just found out last week when I talked to him that shows are now broadcasting in HD. Then when he found that out he asked "What is HD? Oh Home Digital, ya I heard they were going to start doing that in 2009!" To which I responded "Yea, they just changed mine over a couple days ago, it was a whole long process." Also I'd like to ask Haymes, what my friend was so predictable, what did you predict that he was going to try and get with the kings daughter, or he was going to get a spot in the kingdom, yea I think we all did when NBC kept giving us scenes right before commercial break as to what was coming next (which personally I thought was so gay and took away from the suspense a little). Just because you saw those clips and somehow put the pieces together (I'm being as sarcastic as I can) doesn't mean its predictable, it just means NBC showed you what to expect.

Now on to what I really wanted to talk about. I was outside my cage again climbing a tree when I got a great view into Dreamworks Pictures studios and was able to see that they were releasing a new clip from I Love You, Man which I am so pumped about and hits theaters this Friday. The clip they released isn't that funny but it has Andy Samberg in it and I mean ever since "I'm on a Boat" I completely by into anything this guy does. Oh course I was able to quickly climb down my tree and get back to my cage and post this clip on here for all of my friends to enjoy. Laef this one is for you buddy, Haymes go jerk yourself and then clean it up with a terrible towel.



I Love You Always, and Never, Man,

College Panda

You have got to be kidding me...

Despite the unnecessary attacks on my work that I have suffered from my colleague and past PIC(Partner In Crime) College Panda I planned on taking the high road and continue on ignoring him and what he writes, probably just like the rest of you. But after suffering through the 2 hour premiere of Kings last night and then reading how Panda is praising this show because of how bright the images were, and the secret Love Interests, I have to respond.

There were some things about Kings that I liked and some things that I didn't like. First off at no point during the whole show was I on the edge of my seat eager to find out whats going to happen next. Everything seemed pretty laid out and easy to predict. Which is pretty unusual considering this was a PILOT episode. Keeping the audience guessing and anxious about whats going to happen in the next scene or even the next episode so they can draw in an audience and have people talking at the water coolers the next day are what pilots are for.

One thing I did enjoy was the acting. Ian McShane in particular as the King. He was a beast on Deadwood and he gives his all again this time. The main character Chris Egan, and the Kings daughter Allison Miller could end up having a pretty solid LI. But their love is sure to be derailed once or twice by her father or brother and who has never seen that story line played out before, think Hogan Knows Best. As for the rest of the cast there is nothing else to really say. The King's son is a screw up who likes to go out and party and bangs anything that walks. There is some weirdo preacher who the King listens to who doesn't seem to belong at all. The King's wife is probably the least interesting character. Her main storyline this episode was her trying to find her cell phone. No joke.

Bottom line-The only reason I continued watching this for the 2 hours was because I planned on writing about it. If I had no loyalty to this blog or a responsibility to bring the truth to my fans I would have turned it off after the opening scene. Sadly the great McShane is not going to be able to carry this mess through a whole season. Better luck next time NBC.

So that turned out being a little bit more of a review than a College Panda bashing. What can I say I'm just a stand up guy. I will get off Ryan Cabreras tip for a moment to bring you something from another former Simpson family LI, this time my boy Nick Lachey. I dedicate this one to you College Panda.

I Cant Hate You Anymore - Various Artists